From Manfred
While we are story telling, I must share a rather amusing, although somewhat upsetting tale. One of my friends is an absolute arachniphobiac - the kind that get paralysed at just the thought of having a spider on them, even a Daddy Long Legs. I always felt a little sorry for him when I did my usual party tricks and let spiders crawl out of my mouth, etc. Perhaps I shouldn't have sat next to him. Before he would visit, if I was feeling really sympathetic, I would go around and collect the spiders and take them outside before he arrived. For those that don't know, we live in a tin shed, so you could imagine the numbers I am talking about. At least then, my friend would look at me while we talked, instead of searching the walls and ceiling for enemy attacks. Anyway, on with the story.
Once at his house, which he always kept immaculate, I noticed large stains all over the walls. I don't mean little blotches, I'm talking 1 metre diameter. Eventually I couldn't resist any longer and inquired about the stains. Perhaps his roof had been leaking? No, that's what happens when you use half a can of Mortein on one spider. 12 spiders, 6 cans. Concerned about his house, and the fate of the poor spiders (which I imagine drowned before they got poisoned), I purchased a special spider catcher for him. I haven't seen them for years, so I don't know if they are still available. They have a long handle with a square plastic container at the far end and a spring loaded trap door that is operated from the handle. The idea is that you pull the lever which opens the door, slide the box up the wall from underneath the spider, spider drops in, let lever go, lid springs shut, spider safely contained within plastic box. The box was semi-transparent, so you could even see if the spider was inside (once you open your eyes). The idea then is to go out into the garden, pull the lever, and let the critter go under a shrub or over a fence, etc. The operator never gets closer than about 5 feet from the spider - sounds great hey? Damn, I wish I had invented it! So I gave him numerous training sessions (Hmmm, that's where it started) and he eventually mastered the technique. I was very proud that I came up with a solution where everyone was a winner.
The next time I visited, while going to bathroom, I noticed the Spider Catcher leaning up against the wall in his laundry. But something was different and it caught my eye. Seems that everyone wants to be an Engineer. The spider catcher now had a small hole drilled in the side of the plastic box, and a can of Mortein was taped to the side so that the nozzle pointed at the hole - you can guess the rest. My God, I was an accomplice to the manufacture of a death chamber!!!!! I don't remove my spiders before he visits any more.
Manfred.
